A few minutes ago as I was nursing Jack to sleep and catching up on my e-mails a little red ant climbed up my arm, and it annoyed me, so without even looking at the little ant I used my thumb to smash him and then with my fingers flicked him away.

Then I got to thinking.  I worry that God’s like that.  There he is up in heaven, sitting in his favorite stuffed chair, checking his e-mail, and then this little ant Jill starts crawling up his arm, and it annoys him because  he’s busy reading this e-mail from someone he hasn’t heard from in a long time, so without even looking at me his enormous thumb just smashes me on his arm, and then his big fingers flick miniscule me onto the floor.
And that’s that.
I constantly worry that he’s following me around with an ax over my head, and then maybe he’ll get really annoyed, or maybe he’ll trip, and then I will be utterly shattered or my life, at the very least, will lie in splintered ruins.

Why can’t I get over that image?

2 thoughts on “

  1. Becki says:

    Yeah. I hear what you’re saying. I just have to look at the past and see the times when I’ve actually been pretty annoying and God didn’t squish me. 🙂 Since He’s actually very consistant, I use those times to remind myself that He didn’t do it then and He isn’t going to do it now, or ever.

    On another note, we played with Amelie yesterday. Nathan spent the night with Nana and Papa. Good thing. I don’t think we could have separated them with the Jaws of Life! She’s going to spend the night with us tonight so M and O can go to prison. Since Briar is at camp, Skylar is going to let both the girls spend the night in her room. Fun! A cousins’ sleepover!!

  2. Jenny says:

    Oh, Jill, that’s so sad. I struggle with that feeling sometimes too. I have a hard time believing that God really cares for me more than I care about the ant on my arm. And that if he did stop to really examine me, then he definitely would want to squish me and flick me away in disgust.

    I was reading a chapter from Velvet Elvis the other night about how we just have to believe God’s version of the story. And I thought that was so powerful. I think that’s the only way I get through times of feeling that way – by choosing to believe what He says is true – the He actually sees Christ when He looks at me. That I’m totally acceptable to Him, just because He says so. But believe me, I struggle with it.

    Thanks for taking the time to chat with me earlier. It brightened my day.

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