Yes, it’s my birthday.
I’m 34 years old today. Hard to believe.
I’ve been thinking the past couple of days what I would like to accomplish/become/see happen in the next year. (I may add to this list as the day progresses.)
I want to become more peaceful. During the Peace week of Advent, Paul mentioned that perhaps we need to bring more peace into our homes and the people who surround us. I covet that. But I feel like I often flail through my days in the middle of chaos. I’m always hurrying. Always striving. Always doing. Always spinning in circles. I want to learn how to be. Just be.
I want to continue to spend more time just being with God. That’s my Lenten fast, and let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy. I’m failing at it more than I’m succeeding. I’m still grumpy about it. And instead of this experience bringing me closer to God, I feel like he’s retreated behind a wall. I can’t figure it out. I even told Him this morning, “You know, talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.” He didn’t respond. I’m still figuring out my relationship with Him. Right now I’m frustrated.
I want to make more of an effort in my relationship with Matt. I love him, but by the end of the day I’m spent. We need more time together. More deep conversations. More hugs. More, well, you know.
I want to carve out more time in my day to play with my kiddos. I need to just let some things go. I’m so driven by duty. I want to just open my arms to the joy and innocence that saturate those two precious beings and give myself to them.
I want to write more. I’ve been writing quite a bit lately. Even when I’m not writing, I’m often composing in my head. Sometimes those compositions make it to paper/the computer screen; often they don’t. But just the act of writing–even if it’s purely on the screen in my head–makes me feel more alive.
I want to pursue my intense passion about birth and motherhood and become a doula. I’ve started training to become a postpartum doula, and I should be ready for clients soon. I’m almost done with the training part and then need to continue the study part. Now I just need some clients to help me learn the practical part. I’m also planning on pursuing certification as a labor doula. I can’t be a labor doula at the moment, though, since little Jack won’t take a bottle and still nurses regularly. If I can get my act together, there’s a certain someone who may have me be her doula in October. 🙂
I want to pursue passion.
I want to figure out a place to volunteer. I talk the talk of social justice, but I don’t really walk the walk.
I want to continue my quest to go green.
I want to pursue a more vegetarian lifestyle. Last night, for example, I fixed pinto bean sweet potato chili and homemade wheat bread. It was delicious!
I want to continue to exercise on a regular basis.
And of course, I want Obama to become President. 🙂
So how am I going to spend my birthday?
Well, every four hours I’m going to wrestle Jack to the floor and give him a breathing treatment. Yes, the little guy has a virus (probably RSV) and bronchiolitis. Poor baby. He’s perking up finally. We have spent some precious moments the past couple of days with his little head resting on my shoulder as I swayed with him. That seemed to be the position where he was most comfortable.
Today for lunch a friend of mine (whose daughter, Carley, just happens to be Amélie’s best friend) is taking us out to Burger King. We’ll get to sit and talk while the girls run and play in the indoor (albeit germ-infested) play place. Tonight we’re going out to dinner somewhere. I’m not sure where. Any ideas? Matt and Amélie made me a cake last night, so when we get home we’ll have presents, cake and ice cream.
And to make my birthday complete, I saw a robin today while taking Amélie to school Spring, perhaps, is truly on its way.